Heart of Darkness

I've had a bit of a self-realizational breakthrough. Up until now, I always assumed I was Captain Willard, swift-boating it up the river, into the heart of darkness. But now I realize I'm really Col. Kurtz.

I'm not going up the river... I am up the river. I'm the one they are coming for! And this far up, you should see the foliage. The darker it gets, the more vivid the bloom. This far upriver, Man, the flowers all look a lot like Wet Grasso. And honestly, how odd is that?

Kurtz: Did they say why, Willard, why they want to terminate my command?
Willard: I was sent on a classified mission, sir.
Kurtz: It's no longer classified, is it? Did they tell you?
Willard: They told me that you had gone totally insane, and that your methods were unsound.
Kurtz: Are my methods unsound?
Willard: I don't see any method at all, sir.
Kurtz: I expected someone like you. What did you expect? Are you an assassin?
Willard: I'm a soldier.
Kurtz: You're neither. You're an errand boy, sent by grocery clerks, to collect a bill.

The grocery clerks sending errand boys to collect the bill. From me!

We're going to need golf shoes!