Friday, March 02, 2007

Big Maria

Now check this out:

I haven't been happy with the photos of Maria Bartiromo that I've seen lying about the web, so it hit me today. Why not, I asked, shoot her off the screen of my TV?

(Which you would know, if you watched the Sarah Silverman Program--for which I offer my strongest endorsement, so long as you are not the least bit squeamish...I mean not the least bit--stands for Teague's Vagina)

Don't ask.

Anyway, there's a setting on my Picasa program that allows me to "sharpen" an image. I don't know what that means, but when I push the button, it makes me feel like whoever the guy on 24 is who used to be married to Chloe O'Brien and is always in charge of taking a really crappy photograph and rendering it sharp and clear with his computer.

Didn't work with the Money Honey--at least not as illustrated above. And who, by the way, since she's now trademarked that phrase, shall henceforth be referred to as $Honey (full disclosure: a usage I've copped from Dealbreaker).

Anyway, while this may not be the image I use, this is a starting point for Big Maria I (Plane Too Many).

The general idea is to render $Honey in the manner of the Virgin Mary--halo and all. Rimming the frame will be writ in gilt the words "Todd...It's Your Boss On The Phone" over and over again until I've framed the image.

That's the idea. Who knows what the execution will yield.

A last thought? I must say, Ms. Bartiromo's somewhat eccentric beauty holds up nicely . From some angles, she looks a little like Streisand (which you can take anyway you want...I prefer my Streisand in very small doses, like strychnine). But still, she's got a smokiness to her complexion, a darkness at the edge of her eyes, that draws me in like some of those moody Springsteen songs.

That said, were I the Chairman of an important division of CitiGroup, I'm not sure I'd toss it all away just to be making time with $Honey.

I do wonder what the name of that eye make-up is. I bet it sounds like a Jackson Pollock painting. Lavender Mist, maybe. Or something like that.

Todd...It's Your Boss on the Phone.


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