Tuesday, May 14, 2013

I Ate The Bones!

Did you watch Battlestar Galactica?  Manoman, it was great.  And I don't mean great with the supposition that you, dear reader, might, in a different world, be a character in The Big Bang Theory.  I mean great period.

Basically its a rehashing of Wuthering Heights, with the Cylons as Heathcliff.  Cylons being robots so highly adapted they look exactly like humans.  By way of packing muscle, the Cylons commanded a cadre of warrior robots called Centurions, with things like machine guns in their forearms.  They looked a lot like the new E-class Mercedes, but with arms and legs.  And there was a very interesting bit about the Cylon occupation and the good guys (the race of actual humans) resisting them in the manner of, say, the Viet Cong.  Or the French Resistance.  Or the Afghans.

All very thought-provoking.  Plus, you should have seen the female Cylons.  Dog!  As a boy I used to have a poster of Cylon #6 pasted to the ceiling above my bed and I used to go to sleep reciting the Three Laws of Robotics.

To paraphrase the line from Apocalypse Now about the Do Lung bridge: "Every morning my mom would come in and tear it down.  And every night I'd put it back up."

Just for the record, although they were hot, the Cylons wanted nothing to do with the Three Laws of Robotics.  The only good human was a dead human -- that was the general thinking.  All of which brings me to my three favorite current commercials:

There's the KFC commercial where, in a moment of panic, the protagonist shouts, "I ate the bones!"  There are a number of versions of this commercial, and I enjoy each actor's interpretation of the line.  The revolting idea about boneless fried chicken notwithstanding.

I once made a documentary called "Come In Willy" about my friend Stan Zawatsky appearing in Death of a Salesman .  He played Willy's boss and only had a few lines.  One of them was "Come in, Willy", which, as part of the voiceover, I recited over and over again, each time with a different interpretation, the way David Letterman sometimes repeats the same joke over and over again.  The effect was stunning.

Same thing with "I ate the bones!"

I also like all the Wendy's commercials too, mostly because I'm attracted to the red-haired woman who plays Wendy.

And finally, I love the commercial where the little girl runs into the street to retrieve her soccer ball and the Mercedes Benz E-class sedan sees her, identifies the situation, slams on the brakes and saves her life.  All without any input from the driver.  Who was probably texting someone.  Possibly his mistress.

The next-to-last scene of the commercial shows the little girl and the Mercedes, about a foot apart, standing in the street staring at each other.  Two minds sharing the realization that something important has just happened.  You see the little girl completely, but all you see of the Mercedes is the hood and grill -- the driver of the car is almost never seen throughout the commercial.

A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.

For the record, the Batmobile (mine, not Batman's) is an E-class Mercedes.  But it was built prior to the point when they became sentient.


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