Wednesday, October 10, 2007

The Bartiromo/Burnett Wars

Who's to say there's even a war. If there is, and victory is predicted as a function of media saturation, then my girl Maria is gonna be kicking ass and taking names in the near future.

How, you ask, do I know this?

Well, I don't actually know this. But I can tell you this: If you Google Bartiromo for images, you get about a zillion. If you do the same with Burnett, you get a page and a half.

Do you know what this reminds me of? Try Googling Geoffrey Raymond.

I mean: a) How many of us can there be? and b) Surely, given the recent events, I'm dominating the first Google page.

Except for this professor from UCSB. This son of a bitch--he whose name cannot be mentioned but which is not Voldemort--is firmly ensconced in slot one. Page Six got me to the number two slot, thank God. But then there's some guy named me who joined Broadleaf Capital a while back. (It says "His main activities are in strategic planning, risk analysis, value management and training"--which I would have been excellent at in the previous iteration of GVR.) Then back to Geoffrey Raymond from Santa Barbara. Then, if I'm correct, him yet again. Then me.

How, one might ask, am I to become the pre-eminent portrait painter of the 21st Century if there are two guys out there with the same name as me that have a better pr programs in place?

This is galling. To suggest that I'm verklempt is like suggesting that Andre Soltner stuffing pate de foi gras under the skin of a tender young chicken and roasting it is a good idea. It's the understatement of the millennium.

I guess we're italicizing verklempt?


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