Wednesday, October 24, 2007

I can't paint mayonnaise

While we're on the topic of condiments, I don't think it was ketchup on Kurt Schilling's sock. I think it was mayonnaise. The reason nobody knows this is because then his ankle started bleeding and he then got all that famous blood on it.

Anyway, back to Erin Burnett:

This would, of course, be her. Shot straight from the TV screen. I think next time I'm going to use a tripod.

And really, even though she's an extremely attractive woman, she's like a lot of extremely attractive, 30-year old women with clean, regular features and nice grooming. Hard to paint (Trust me--I paint 'em all the time). To quote somebody: "There's no there there."

We're not talking intellectually. I mean, the girl has a pretty good sense of humor and obviously knows her stuff. It's just that I can't find the topographical hook (this is a technical term for a part of the face that, if rendered correctly, screams (in this case) "Erin Burnett" through the fog of the rest of my incompetence).

It's like she doesn't have a wrinkle on her face. And, given that this girl represents cash-money (i.e. an established commission), I can't just step away and say "sorry, I've got other fish to fry."

I'm so screwed. I can't paint mayonnaise.

Herewith a ray of hope...

All that said, I spent part of last night interviewing a friend in-depth on a variety of subjects. When I showed her the picture of Burnett, she said: "I love how she flips up her ends."

I think I responded with something about Mary Tyler Moore. But this morning, while making my peanut butter and jelly sandwich (Smucker's Natural, Smooth--I add a dash of salt before stirring--and Welch's Grape Jelly**), I realized it wasn't Laura Petrie I was thinking about, but That Girl.

Perhaps it's a hair thing. Perhaps that's the topographical hook. And this, by the way, is no the time for nose jokes. I love women with big noses.

** Geoff to The Mother Ship: Beam me back up please. I apologize.


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