Thursday, December 19, 2013

Here's what's wrong with Esquire Magazine

The first thing:  They just sent me a note telling me I could renew my subscription for six bucks.  For a year!  Simple math tells you that's less than two dollars an issue.  What's that joke about not wanting to join any club that would have you as a member?

Then there was the decision to name the Lexus something-something-something (who can keep up with all those fucking letters and numbers?) the car of the year.  Have you seen the front of the thing?

God help us ...

The whole idea of cars is that the fronts of them look like faces.  Headlights are eyes.  Grills are mouthes.  And if you buy into that, then the truly beautiful cars hew to the same general principals as truly beautiful faces.  And that excludes a mouth like this ...

I think they fell in love with Audi's idea of the grill extending down through the bumper line.  But unlike Audi's grills, which actually are reasonably attractive if you're in a quirky sort of a mood, they screwed it up completely by pinching in the sides to create an hourglass shape.

What an ugly car.  And I think ugly should count for something.  In a negative way, obviously.

So that's another thing.

The last straw is their inclusion of Exile In Guyville by Liz Phair as one of the 75 Albums Every Man Should Own.  Please.  This is just one more reason to never trust music critics, who, on a per capita basis, are probably more full of shit than any other category of critics.  Exile in Guyville achieved critical acclaim because it's a song-by-song feminist take on the Stones' famous album of a similar name (an album every man should own).  Notwithstanding the fact that the album is horrible.  Virtually unlistenable.  Excresance.  Which is a made-up word that I use frequently.  I'll bet most of the people who recommend Phair's album do so having never listened to the whole thing.  I'll bet if you polled everyone on the Esquire masthead you'd find that nobody -- okay, maybe one person -- has ever listened to the entire thing.

I'm not renewing my subscription.

[Update:  the name of the Lexus in question is the IS 350 F Sport]


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