Friday, August 14, 2009

Tell me if this ever happens to you.

Does this ever happen to you?

You're sitting at The Peter McManus Cafe when one thing leads to another, you end up photographing somebody completely naked, and there's that moment--that moment that follows the moment when you reflect on what a wonderful job you have--when that person takes off his/her clothes and you say to yourself, channeling Peggy Lee, maybe: "Is that all there is?" When you say to yourself, "I thought he/she would be much more photogenic?" (The term "photogenic" is interchangeable with "hot" or "hotter" here).

Does this ever happen to you?
Of course it doesn't happen to them.
Why not?
Because they don't have jobs like yours.
So you're saying I'm special?
You're not special. You're an idiot. But you have an unusual job.
Oh. And that doesn't sound elitist?
No. It's just a fact that most people don't have a job that involves sitting at a bar and having people offer to take off their cloze.
And just for the record, we're talking women AND men.
Duly noted.
Is that pronounced "doooly" or "dull-y"? 'Cause it's hard to tell with it just sitting on the blog there.
And, back to the original question, you're saying I'm not special?
That is exactly what I'm saying.
You're saying I'm an idiot?
A-hah what?
A-hah as a linguistic vehicle to suggest in vigorous terms that there's an obvious flaw in your thinking.
Which is?
Which is, if I'm such an idiot, why do so many people want to pose naked for me? One must surely suppose that this is a good thing rather than, say, a bad thing. The sort of thing that doesn't happen to, say, idiots. If you catch my drift?
(long silence)
Are you catching my drift?
Let me get back to you on that.
Please. I'd be delighted.
Me? When it comes to painting people this never happens to me. I'm a firm believer that beauty comes in a variety of packages, and that everybody's beautiful in their own way; that there are a number of roads to BEAUTY (such a massive, forehead-wrinkling concept that it has to be written in ALL CAPS) and only a small percentage include blonde hair and a cute little nose.
Case in point, I loathe that woman from Grey's Anatomy.
The Earthling called Izzie Stevens?
This holistic approach does not, however, include buildings.

Here's a shot of The Argyle, the apartment building that is going up on the corner of 4th and 7th, maybe. One thing is sure...I walk past it every day I walk to the studio.

If you're entering the picture from the left side, you get to the laundromat and make a left, go about a block and a half, dial in #9069, go up two flights of stairs, dial in *0769XX (what, you think I'm giving away everything?), go up and throw some paint on some canvas.

Later, presumably, you sell the painting for an obscene amount of money.

Anyway, they've more or less finished the building and taken down the pedestrian shed, and accoutrement, and the place looks like shit.

Here's the architect's promotional image. To quote that guy with the round glasses that designed the Four Seasons: "God is in the deets."

If you look at the particulars of this particular building, you realize that Satan can be in the deets too. The place is a disaster.
Plus, who names a building "The Argyle?"
Nicely said. What a load of crap.
I'll send you a picture of the street scape on 7th Street. In the meantime, suffice to say, it makes me angry.


Blogger lunatic said...

I think this happened to a friend of mine. he talked to this girl who wanted him to paint her in the nude, and she was totally hot in the weak afternoon light of the bar. but maybe she wasn't all THAT hot. huh. he still has the coolest job in the world. totally cool.

9:51 PM  

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