Do you own a suit?

I think I need to buy a new one. I'm attending the Claremont Prep fundraising event (where, among other things, the painting that I created in partnership with the Claremont Pre-K is up for auction) and feel like it might be a dressier event than my usual sort of things.

I can barely imagine how sordid your usual sort of things must be.
Best not to ask.
I'm not. I'm just saying.
Well, I can tell you this: it's worse by half than anything your imagination can conjure.
Really? By half?
Perhaps 55%.
Wow.
Really.

Anyway, I'm not sure my suit even fits me.

Man, that is pathetic.
What? That I don't know if it fits me?
No. That you are using the singular. "My suit..."
How many do you have?
We're the Greek chorus. We don't wear suits; we wear togas and stuff.
What about before you joined the chorus? When you had a real job?
Hmmm. Certainly more than five. Ten maybe.
Wow. Where are they now?
In my closet, I guess. I'm not even sure they fit me.

I'm gonna have to try mine on and see. I'm dreading the experience.

Why don't you just do the usual thing--black jeans, polo shirt, blue blazer?
Would that be okay?
Sure. It's not like they're going to kick you out. You're the star of the show.
Really? The star?
If not the star then certainly a part of the constellation.
Jackson Pollock once famously urinated in Peggy Guggenheim's fireplace. They didn't kick him out.
If they have a fireplace, you should totally take a pee in it.
Do you know what Willem de Kooning once told Ruth Kligman?
I don't even know who Ruth Kligman is.
She was Jackson Pollock's girlfriend. She was the only survivor of his fatal accident. Later she dated de Kooning.
She was the one played by Jennifer Connelly?
Yeah.
The bad boys always get the the hot chicks. You should totally be peeing in that fireplace.
Really...
Or otherwise making a spectacle. Try getting drunk and slugging the headmaster.
Wow, the mind reels.
Doesn't it?
So what did Willem de Kooning tell Ruth Kligman?
He said, and I'm roughly paraphrasing: "They don't know what it's like. They think it's easy. They don't know it's like jumping off a 12-story building everyday."
Wow. What was he talking about? Getting dressed up?
Painting, man! He was talking about painting!
Oh.

This is a photo of de Kooning and Kligman. She is thinking about how much she looks like Elizabeth Taylor. He's thinking about that 12-story jump.



This is a de Kooning called "Ruth's Zowie":



This is my painting titled "Dancer #3 (Reclining, Chelsea Hotel)"



I'm totally getting more action than de Kooning!