Monday, April 22, 2013

I've been thinking about robbing a bank ...

... but it seems like a crazy idea.

Crazy only as it relates to the probability of getting caught.  Plus I'm very much put off by those massive slabs of plexiglass that keeps you from the tellers.  If I had more energy I'd go off on a long tangent about that Kinks song that contains the line "dying to get at her," but I'm trying to stay on message today.

Plus the question of gun vs. no gun vs. fake or unloaded gun.  And of course there's the note.  Who can forget Woody Allen trying to rob a bank with a typo in his note.

Not gub -- gun!  I've got a gun.
Well, it looks like gub to me.

Plus the exploding money packs.

And finally -- and this, I'm thinking, is the point of the story -- we live in such a monitored world.  Cameras are everywhere, even here in lovely, downtown Troy.  New York?  Fuggetaboutit.

Lets just say you rob the Bank of America on the corner of 23rd and 6th.  The assumption is that you take the money and run straight into the subway.  Jump on the uptown local to Penn Station.  Jump on a train to East Jesus New Jersey.  Jump off the train and straight into the arms of the FBI.

"How'd you catch me?" you ask.
"Cameras.  We've got cameras everywhere."

Me?  I'd jump out of the bank and onto the M-23 headed west.  Lay low on the bus.  Get off at Tenth and go to the Half King for some soup and several beers.  Wait til dark.  Then walk to McManus.  On the way there, peel off my fake mustache and change my jacket.  Stop walking with such a pronounced limp.  Have a few more beers at McManus.  Fight the urge to tell everybody about how you spent your day.  Play it cool.  Lay low.  Go home eventually.  Hope for the best.

You notice we're only talking logistics here.  Ethically speaking, I think robbing banks is solid ground.  Big banks, we're talking.  Not credit unions.  But since banks like BofA or Citi are really just massive illegal gambling operations, I think there's a certain public good in reducing their exposure by limiting the amount of money they have access to.  It's like those weird vigilantes you hear about who only rob from drug dealers.  I wonder if they even exist or if it's just urban legend.

Granted, it would take a lot of bank robberies to limit the amount of money that, say, Chase has access to.  But it would be worth a try except for all those cameras.


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