Tuesday, April 02, 2013

Hardly a recipe for a perfect world ...

I probably watch more TV than I should.  But I spend much of my day gnashing the teeth of my mind, wrestling with today's most pungent problems, and come evening, if I'm not going out, I'm happy enough to sit in my most comfortable chair and let the Knicks or the Mets wash over me.  Or Downton Abbey.  Or Game of Thrones.  Or Whitney.  Of which, to be honest, I'm awfully fond.

Like I say, I watch too much television.

That said, I've become an expert at not watching commercials.  The modern DVR box is a Godsend in this regard, no matter how loathsome and substandard a machine it is.  So I tend to fast-forward through the commercials, stopping only for ones I find interesting for one reason or another.

And who doesn't think Penelope Cruz is interesting?  I was cruising through a block of commercials last night and there she was, just for the briefest moment, drinking a cup of coffee.  Looking wonderful.

It has long ago been established that the greatest beauty is to be found in dark haired women.  Witness Helen of Troy.  Likewise, witness Penelope Cruz.  One of my favorite movie moments of recent vintage is when she shows up with the gun near the end of Vicki, Christina, Barcelona and starts busting caps.  But you could also say she was fabulous through the whole thing and be absolutely right.

Anyway, there she was, her exquisite face emblazoned across a good six feet of the wall above my sofa, drinking a cup of coffee made from what I take to be a Nespresso machine, her dark expressive eyes clenched in ecstasy.  Do you know that whole business, friends, about how if you ever come face to face with Satan, you probably won't identify him as such?  He'll be something or someone more overtly palatable?  Well, part of me is thinking that he's chosen to come to earth as a Nespresso machine.  And if that machine is not, in fact, corporally him, then it is nonetheless certainly one of the great manifestations of evil.

How many cups of coffee do Americans drink a day?  Let's say a gazillion.  What if a significant subset of those were made by inserting a small plastic container into a Nespresso machine and squeezing hot water through its contents?  Then ejecting the cup into the garbage.  And what if it's so good you decide you want another serving?  Put another of those nasty little, non-biodegradable cups in the machine, pull the lever, and then eject it into the garbage.

Mmmmm, good coffee!

Forbid the notion that you can make just as good a cup of coffee -- perhaps better -- like a normal person.  No.  Too inconvenient.  Now multiply those little bastards by a gazillion.  Is this a good idea?

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