Food Alright, Little Alex?

Having finished playing the Monza qualifying, my cable box switched to live mode and I found myself watching The Last of the Mohicans -- one of my favorite movies.  The one with Daniel Day Lewis and Madeline Stowe and all those Adirondack waterfalls and all that music and the evil Magua.  Who was a scary motherfucker and an excellent teaching opportunity for those who insist on holding onto their anger.

Dude.  Just put it in a bubble and blow it away.

Colonel Munro's heart?

No, man.  The anger.

Anyway, I tuned in about 45 minutes into the movie and had stuff to do so I just stepped away.  But not before realizing that TNT was showing one of the crappiest images I've seen on television recently.  I mean, it was horrible -- all washed-out, splotchy and pixelated; the sound was terrible.  Plus, try as I might, I couldn't get the format to adjust to normal -- not even Daniel Day Lewis' nose is that long.  The whole thing was an affront to the senses and it would have been interesting to make the president of TNT, whoever the hell that might be, sit down and watch the damned thing and ask her if she was proud of her network.

Obviously that's never going to happen.  So I thought: Hmmmm, this is one of my favorite movies.  I should just go Down To The River and buy the DVD.  So I went.  And when I got there, all they had were various versions of the Director's Cut, all of which were widely panned in the comments section.  I mean, lambasted.  The original theatrical version (which apparently is the one to get) was shown, but not available.

So I went to eBay, of all things.  Found one for $7.99, still in the original wrapping.  Then I wondered what the hell I was doing trying to buy a DVD of The Last of the Mohicans and pushed the eject button.  You should buy it.  Click here.

But, friends, there's a larger consideration here.  The idea of making CEOs actually experience their product in the real world, not via the corner office with mewling underlings saying things like here, let me help you.  One thing that jumps to mind is telephone menus which eventually loop back to the main menu without ever offering you the opportunity to push # or whatever to speak to a human.  That would be a good place to start.

Another one that jumps to mind is ... well, I don't have one jumping to mind.  I'm sure you can think of some on your own.  But the idea is to just strap the bastards down and make them experience their own product like what they did to little Alex in A Clockwork Orange.

On a related note, if you have half an hour, here's Lenny Bernstein conducting the fourth movement of Beethoven's 9, circa 1979.

For you completists, it's the Vienna Philharmonic.  Clearly we're not talking about Vienna, Virginia.

And if you, like most Americans, are monolingual, I went through the damned thing and translated the lyrics for you ...

Oh friends, not these tones!
Rather let us sing more
cheerful and more joyful ones.
Joy! Joy!

Joy, beautiful spark of the gods,
Daughter of Elysium,
We approach fire-drunk,
Heavenly One, your shrine.
Your magic reunites
What custom sternly divides;
All people become brothers
(Schiller's original:
What custom's sword separates;
Beggars become princes' brothers)
Where your gentle wing alights.

Whoever succeeds in the great attempt
To be a friend of a friend,
Whoever has won a lovely woman,
Let him add his jubilation!
Yes, whoever calls even one soul
His own on the earth's globe!
And who never has, let him steal,
Weeping, away from this group.

All creatures drink joy
At the breasts of nature;
All the good, all the evil
Follow her roses' trail.
Kisses gave she us, and wine,
A friend, proven unto death;
Pleasure was to the worm granted,
And the cherub stands before God.

Glad, as his suns fly
Through the Heavens' glorious plan,
Run, brothers, your race,
Joyful, as a hero to victory.

Be embraced, you millions!
This kiss for the whole world!
Brothers, beyond the star-canopy
Must a loving Father dwell.
Do you bow down, you millions?
Do you sense the Creator, world?
Seek Him beyond the star-canopy!
Beyond the stars must He dwell.

Finale repeats the words:
Be embraced, ye millions!
This kiss for the whole world!
Brothers, beyond the star-canopy
Must a loving Father dwell.
Be embraced,
This kiss for the whole world!
Joy, beautiful spark of the gods,
Daughter of Elysium,
Joy, beautiful spark of the gods 

You're welcome.

I think later tonight, perhaps with some scotch, I'm going to go downstairs and put this on the stereo and listen to it loud.