Thursday, September 04, 2014


First of all, if you are somebody famous, why do you ever take naked pictures of yourself and keep them on your phone?  Much less The Cloud?  Ever?  If you want to turn on your boyfriend, just go over to his house and take your clothes off there.  I promise you he'll appreciate it.

Brief personal aside:  if I took naked pictures of myself and put them on my phone, it would break.

Second, surely you've heard of the hacked naked photos of Jennifer Lawrence, Ariana Grande, Kate Upton and a couple of other high-end celebrities (I was going to write 'stars', but I can't bring myself to call the bovine Ms. Upton a star).  Hell, the NY Times even ran a piece.  So this is news, my friends, and in the interest of bringing you the news I immediately took a peek.

Anyway, that's not important.  What's important is that an artist named XVALA (which immediately makes me assume this guy isn't the next Matisse, but that's just me being narrow and change-averse) now plans to reproduce some of the photos, expanded to life size, on canvas, which makes it okay, according to some, and exhibit them in an art gallery.  Presumably.  Maybe just out of the back of his truck.

I'm of two schools on this.  First, the Duchampian notion that art is anything the artist says it is rings as brightly here as any of the Chimes of Freedom the Byrds are always singing about.  Certainly artistic freedom should be as vigorously protected as my right to buy assault rifles and teflon-coated bullets.  Which I only use for hunting.

Brief personal aside:  These teflon-coated bullets are amazing.  Originally designed to pierce body-armor, I've found that if you line the deer up just right you can nail three or four of them before the bullet runs out of steam.

On the other side of the coin, downloading nasty pics and blowing them up isn't art in my book, it's just fucking with people.  Do you know how some people hate bike riders because of they way they behave in traffic?  Entirely understandable, but annoying to those of us who more or less obey the rules of the road (just, it should be noted, the way drivers of cars and trucks more or less obey the rules of the road).  This XVALA is giving artists a bad name.  I think.

The only good to come out of all this is its contribution to the thinking person's growing understanding that there is no privacy.

Behave accordingly.

Brief personal aside:  I'll give XVALA one bit of props.  After I heard about the plan to blow them up I thought hey, I should grab one and throw it into Artrage and "paint" it.  But now they're all gone.  Likely due to lawyers.

Note:  The art will be on display at a gallery (in, I think, LA) called Cory Allen Contemporary Art, otherwise known as CACA.  Get it?  So now you know you are completely being fucked with.

My grandfather's work is doo-doo
     -- Frederick Frankenstein, MD


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