Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Open Note to the President of NBC

Dear Sir:

Broadcast television needs all the help it can get, yet you guys consistently shoot yourself in the foot when it comes to audience relations.  I refer, of course, to the decision to extend by an hour last night's episode of The Voice, thus pre-empting my ability to watch James Spader chew up the scenery in Blacklist.  One of my favorite network shows.

As noted previously, I don't watch The Voice.  Who would, after watching that girl massacre the National Anthem at the US Grand Prix?  No, I made a special effort to tune into your fakakta network at a specific time to watch a specific show.  Which wasn't there.  Nor, it should be noted, was a message crawling across the bottom of the screen telling me what had happened, so I could just get on with binge watching Season Five of Breaking Bad.

A few questions, if I might:

Do you think we aren't tired of you guys fucking with us?

Do you really believe that the currently constituted Today Show, with its plasticine porters with looking glass ties, is superior to Charlie Rose and his buddies over at CBS?

Further on that subject, do you honestly think that Savannah Guthrie, with her hand full of gimme and her mouth full of much obliged, is an upgrade on my girl Ann Curry?

What a clusterfuck that whole thing was.

And do you think we don't know that the ever-more-common practice of ending shows one or two minutes past the hour isn't really just designed to fuck up our DVR?  Is there any other conceivable reason for not ending a television show on the hour?  The way television shows have ended since the days of black and white?

Do you think we don't know that you're fucking with us?

Someday the swallows will come back to Capistrano, my friend, and there will be hell to pay.

Fuck you.

Sincerely,

Geoffrey Vincent Raymond
Former Today Show viewer

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