Monday, October 14, 2013


Remember that scene from Game of Thrones where Tyrion sends a hooker named Roselyn as a gift to his young nephew, King Joffrey?  The idea being for Joffrey to lose his virginity in a stress-free manner?

Sounds like a nice enough gift to me.

Anyway, when they finally cut to Joffrey in his bedroom, he's tied the hooker to his bedpost and used her as target practice with his new cross-bow.  Hmmm.  Issues?

All of which brings me to the new Hoyt Spyder 30.

I can't get enough of this thing.  When I posted the photo I clicked "original size", just so you could get the feel of the thing.  I mean, it's barbaric.  If this was The Lord of the Rings, the good guys would not be using Hoyt Spyders.  This is like Orc-fucking-central.  Straight from Mordor.  Made out of dragon bones.

You don't really own one upstate, do you?
Is that a serious question?
I didn't think so.
They cost about a grand.  And besides, I'm not a crazy person.  

The muzzle velocity of a Colt Python, thought by many to be the finest revolver ever made, is about 1200-1500 fps.  An arrow leaves the Hoyt Spyder at about 300 fps.  Which is more fun, anyway, because you can see it actually go.

Meaning you're here.
I'm about a football field away, with the intention of striking you down with malice.
Okay ...
I let fly.  My aim is true.  I count one-hippopotamus.  And bingo.
Yeah.  Bingo.
Bingo meaning bad news for me?
Like you're Burt Reynolds and I'm the redneck who told Ned Beatty that he sure had a pretty mouth.


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