Friday, October 11, 2013

Life Maximization Tip # 327

Back in the old days it took about twenty minutes to listen to one side of an LP.  Maybe fifteen.  And I like a thirty-minute nap, so simple math suggests a problem.

Me?  Actually I like the whole album/turntable experience.  For one thing, they do sound better than CDs.  For another, it all seems like a grand adventure in mechanical engineering.  For a third, you end up listening to the last song on Side 2 just as much as you listen to the last song on Side 1, whereas with a modern CD I feel certain that, statistically speaking, one listens to the first song more than the second, and the second more than the third, and so on.  It would be interesting to measure, on average, the relative listening frequency of the first song on a CD versus the last (which could easily pop up 45 minutes later).

All that said, there remains a downside:  Sometimes you just don't want to get up from the sofa.  What if you're in the middle of the perfect nap?  What if you're not alone?  What if you earlier spilled oatmeal on the sofa but forgot to clean it up, then later took a nap, then later realized that you have adhered to the sofa and can't get up?

Well, there's a solution.

Most receivers have a 120 volt plug on the back which switches on and off as the component does.  I power my turntable through this plug.  And during those times when I just can't get off the sofa I reach over and grab the remote, push the power button, and everything stops.  Including the turntable.  Later, when I do get up, I return the tone arm to its resting position and all is well.

Back on the positive side, since I'm nothing if not relentlessly upbeat, it's kind of fun to wander over to the stereo in the early evening, when the room is growing dim, and hit the power button on the receiver.  All sorts of little green and red lights appear on the turntable, as if out of nowhere, plus the pale, pale green -- so pale it's almost white but it's not white -- minimalist display on the face of the receiver.  The way they've illuminated the inside of the rim of the volume nob is a masterpiece of industrial design.  All in all, it's like a cross between Christmas and a close encounter of the third kind.

Kind of like this, but less flashy ...

All nicely said, but I think you're missing the point that digital music allows people to jump around to their hearts content; that the notion of an album, as such, is antiquated.  Obsolete.
Obsolete is a strong word.
Yes it is.  
People like that?  People that jump around a lot ...
Yes?
People like that, I don't care about.  
Really?
With the exception of Miley Cyrus, who I find strangely endearing.  I think people should just leave her alone.
Dude, you know she jumps around.
She does seem a bit twitchy, doesn't she?

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